Note: Although this post is centered on homeschool dads, much of what I share is applicable to moms as well. The best homeschool environment is not centered on dad OR mom, but on dad AND mom!

It’s August and that can only mean one thing – it’s time to start school again!

This is the time of year when homeschool educators like myself begin to implement their plans to get their children re-engaged in school, which can be a challenge after having a few months off.

I can remember when I was a child and the school year began and how unexcited I was to go back to school. This is perhaps the first thing as homeschool dads we should be thinking about. We should approach the new year from how we determine our child’s perspective is and their excitement, or lack thereof. One of the best things about homeschooling is we can determine what and how we do what we do. For example, I plan to start out with two short weeks to ease back into the routine 4-5 day school week.

As a homeschool dad there’s one Bible verse that is constantly in my mind:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

Homeschool dads, if you haven’t memorized this verse yet, get to work doing so before you finish reading this blog post. I suggest writing it on a 3 x 5 card and posting it somewhere you’ll see it each day while you’re teaching as a reminder.

In this blog post I’m going to share what this verse means and how fathers can live it out each day as they teach their children. Also, keep in mind that even if you aren’t a homeschool dad you still have the responsibility as a father to carry out this command of Scripture. Just because you don’t teach your children in a formal sense (e.g., full-time homeschool teacher), God’s word commands fathers to take a role in discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Furthermore, I’m not saying I’m the model of excellence when it comes to homeschooling. This is going to be my second year of playing the “lead” role in teaching my 2nd and 4th grader, and what I’ll share is based on my experience and goals I’ll be striving for this year.

So, what does Ephesians 6:4 mean? How can we as fathers not provoke our children to anger? Why is this important in disciplining and instructing our children in the ways of the Lord?

Do not provoke your children to anger.

Emotions are contagious. In fact, there’s a concept known as emotional contagion (something I wrote about in my doctoral dissertation) that anyone who’s been alive for more than a few decades has experienced. Our emotions have the ability to “infect” others from both a positive and negative perspective.

Spend time in a room of angry people and you’re likely to become angry as well. In fact, this is one of the reasons not to watch cable news! After an hour or five watching the political entertainers on CNN, Fox, or MSNBC you’re likely to be just as angry as they are at Republicans and Democrats.

On the flip side, spend some time around people in a happy mood, like at a party, and there’s a good chance you’ll be feeling happy as well!

The same is true for our children. Their emotions feed off our emotions, and likewise our emotions can feed off their emotions. When they get frustrated and angry with the schoolwork they’re doing it can also get us angry and frustrated.

However, we as the parent have, in most cases, greater power over the emotional contagion taking place in our homes. I learned this lesson in the world of business where leaders have far greater control over emotions in an organization than the people working within the business.

A senior leader who’s always angry and upset will be surrounded by people who are just the same – angry and upset. The opposite is true for uplifting, energetic, and inspiring leaders. This is because, in most cases, a leader’s emotional “power” over others is greater than their followers. The same is true for parents. We have more “emotional power” than our children, and we can use it to our benefit if we know how.

5 ways to strengthen your “emotional power” muscles.

1. Pray

Strengthening anything in our lives always begins with prayer. James 4:2 states, “You do not have, because you do not ask.” If you want something, especially something that is God’s will such as not provoking your children to anger, you need to start with prayer.

Father, your word instructs me not to provoke my children to anger. Help me to do that this day. Bless me with the emotional strength to bring my children up in your discipline and instruction. Amen.

2. Control your tongue

What’s the most powerful muscle in the human body? The one muscle that has the ability to both destroy and build up? The tongue! Words have incredible power. Hitler’s words led to the killing of 6 million Jews. Jesus’ words have led to billions of people making him Lord of their lives. You may not believe it, but your words also have power, especially over your children.

However, while it’s all too easy to say, “watch your mouth”, it’s not so easy to do it, which leads to tip #3.

3. Read your Bible

You won’t be able to control your tongue on your own power alone. You can pray for greater control, but at some point your prayer comes to “Amen”, and then what? Then it’s time to read your Bible.

Much like emotional contagion, I would argue there’s such a thing as “biblical contagion.” The more you read your Bible the more it infects you, and this is a good type of infection! Someone once said about Bible reading, “It’s not about you getting into Scripture more, but instead about more Scripture getting into you!”

Paul, in writing to the Philippians, tells them they should be lights in the world. We too can take heed of Paul’s advice in being lights for our little ones. One simple tactic Paul provides comes in Philippians 2:14, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” It’s far easier to provoke our children to anger when we grumble, and reading your Bible is one way to grumble less about life because it leads to tactic #4.

4. Be eternally focused

When your mind is focused on “earthly” things it’s easy to grumble. We all have challenges in life that make keeping those things at the forefront of our mind. I have an incurable auto-immune disorder, actually two of them, and many days I’m reminded of them as I consume pills throughout the day and get infusions four out of every eight weeks. It’s hard to forget I’m “sick.”

Nevertheless, my mind, most days, is not focused on the hardships of earthly life much because I start each day as I’ve outlined here in prayer and reading the Bible. As Paul writes in Colossians 3:2, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” is good advice to center your mind on what is to come, not on what is in the current moment. Earthly life is but a grain of sand on the beach of eternity, so keep your mind focused on the future glory and not the transient things of this world (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

5. Journal your thoughts

Finally, a simple way to grow in your faith and build your emotional power muscles is to journal what’s in you head and heart. Writing can be extremely therapeutic, especially when it centers on your relationship with God. As part of my daily Bible reading I finish with a short journal writing. This might be about what I’ve just read, a problem or situation I need guidance on, prayer to God seeking his wisdom, etc. There’s really no wrong way to journal. Just write what comes to mind, and in most cases when you’re done you’ll feel better. You might even consider sharing your journals with your children in the future or leaving them as memoirs when you have gone home to be with the Father.

The most important question.

I’ll finish with a simple question, one that I don’t think is asked often enough.

Why do we educate our children?

The next time you have the opportunity to ask this question of another parent you’ll probably hear answers unlike the one I’m going to give you. In fact, if you were to ask me not so long ago my answer to this question it would have been something like, “We educate our children so they will become productive members of society by doing things such as getting a job, establishing a career, being able to support a family, etc.” I might even add something like, “So they will move out of my house before they turn 30!”

None of these things are bad, especially them moving out before they are 30! In fact, I hope my girls will one day be able to do all of them. However, this isn’t the primary reason we educate our young. The main reason we educate them is twofold.

First, I would argue, we educate our children to be able to discern what is true from what is false that leads to having a Christian worldview. We educate our children to become critical thinkers, to be able to consume information, and from it determine truth from falsehood.

Homeschooling offers what I would argue is the best opportunity to do this. Public schools, and even many private schools, have a host of challenges which make it nearly impossible for children to develop critical thinking skills.

For example, in the school district I live in, one of the best in our city, only around 50% of children are meeting grade level expectations in math and reading. Teachers in these classrooms don’t have the luxury of going beyond the basics. They face a massive challenge in just getting the sometimes up to 30 students in their classrooms to understand the basics of what is being taught. There’s no time to do anything beyond this.

However, in a homeschool environment we’re blessed to be able to go beyond the basics in any subject. For example, one day in the future as my girls get older I hope to share the multiple views of Creation (e.g., young earth, old earth, theistic evolution) so they can develop their critical thinking skills by examining the reason, logic, scientific evidence, Scriptures, etc. to determine the strengths and weaknesses of each view.

This, of course, would never be allowed in a public school where supernatural views are stated as falsehoods in their textbooks, but even in a private Christian school it could be a challenge because of the number of students and time required, both of which are non-issues for most homeschool parents.

Don’t think this is a big issue in our society today? How would society look if more people sought to determine truth using the aforementioned things such as reason, logic, evidence, and especially the truth of God’s Word! We shouldn’t be surprised that absolute truth is no longer considered absolute by most young people considering many of them have never been taught how to determine truth beyond Google and ChatGPT.

Second, and most important, is that we educate our children so they become disciples of Christ, and critical thinking abilities play a big role in this taking place.

The evidence is plain to see as Paul writes about in the first chapter of Romans. The evidence for God is all around you. Don’t believe in miracles? The evidence for the greatest miracle to ever take place is the universe you live in!

However, God’s existence is just the start of discipleship and making Christ Lord of your child’s life – the primary reason we educate our children. Moses sums it up best with:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

To all the home school dads reading this I close with a prayer for you and I as we embark on a school year and the blessing of teaching our children.

Father, there is no greater responsibility than training our children in the way they should go so when they are older they will not depart from your ways. Bless all the fathers reading this with your wisdom to teach well, to be patient, loving, understanding, gentle, and kind. Help us be a light that shines in this dark world as an example for our children who we pray will carry this same light for future generations. Amen.